Keeping It Personal: Thoughts on Managing Your Social Media Persona (s)

Disclaimer: Consider your social media audience; is it just your close friends? Do you have the business/personal life combo? Is your pastor your “friend”? If you are good at keeping your personal and professional lives from colliding online then you can meter how you see fit bearing in mind what's online is forever.

 

Collectively as people we desire to connect to with others to celebrate our accomplishments, mourn our defeats and garner support when we feel mistreated or victimized. As a society, we want to be in the know. We actually take an interest in what Snooki eats for breakfast or doesn’t for that matter, we want to investigate and require visual evidence that Ron Paul once posed for a photo with a known white supremacist. Secretly or not so secretly we want people to want to know about us too.

It’s only human to want to be noticed and appreciated. Unfortunately that attention can turn negative on a dime. Without a public relations team at the ready to save us from ourselves, we can go from adored to abhorred in no time. We have to get savvy about monitoring our own image in a social media venue. It is tough to resist the urge to divulge every detail of our lives in a semi-public forum. It is equally hard not to succumb to the attention that sharing the dirty dish brings.

Case in point:

Like so many people my personal and professional lives overlap online.  For the first year or so that I used Facebook I was dangerously open about all aspects of my life. I became very sick two years ago. I had seen many people post about injuries, illnesses, surgeries, divorces, etc. and it brought me pause about my own situation. I had two choices – I could publicly disclose the status of my health and gain the sympathy of a percentage of my then four or five hundred friends. Or I could keep my virtual mouth shut and seek support from my family and close friends. I chose to keep it to myself only sharing with people I encountered in person. In my opinion that was the smartest choice I could have made. It taught me a lesson in restraint and gave me a good meter for deciphering what should and should not be public information.

How do we stop ourselves from clicking that tempting “share” button and keep what should be private, private?   The easiest way is to start connecting with those close to us by engaging on the level we used to before we became social media junkies.  Phone a friend, visit your mom and dad, or better yet invite someone for coffee and a good old-fashioned conversation. You wouldn’t invite a colleague or an acquaintance over for a look at your panty drawer so why would you put it online for everyone to see?

Self-editing is our ally. I am not encouraging you to lie about your life but remember that you and your existence are important – they are not fodder for office chatter or social gossip. Keep these things in mind when you’re weighing whether or not to share: 

-Humor doesn’t always translate

-Personal struggles, relationship breakdowns and the most intimate details of your life shouldn’t be offered up into a public forum for debate or criticism or someone's entertainment.

-Real support comes from the people who love you – not the people who friend you. 

-It is very easy to type a condolence or congratulations but it is the truly conscientious individual who chooses a more personal form of communication.

My challenge for myself this week is to pay attention to what I say online and attempt to look at it from the perspective of others. I challenge you to do the same.  Reach out to someone who is important to you and have a conversation. Let that person be excited for you, console you or laugh with you and be the same for them. Cheers for a week of being truly connected with your community.

I Insist on Giving You My Sweetest Rose, Don’t Crush It. Okay?

We take almost everything for granted in this day and age: food, shelter, smart phones, toilet paper. It’s a sad state of affairs when we fail to notice all of the things we have that bring us convenience and ease. As of late I have been feeling a bit taken for granted. I’m a giver and I give in a big way – sometimes I give beyond my means (be they financial, emotional or slack which trumps the other two). In my mind being surrounded by happy, satisfied people is far better than a group of crank-a-sauruses who want to bitch from morning ‘til night.

If I see you struggle my first instinct is to alleviate your burden by whatever means necessary – barring the actual breaking of the law, which I am sure has happened but that would be another story for another day. To paraphrase a statement made by one of my friends to another last week, “Jamie will give you the shirt off her back. Don’t take it.” The latter friend did indeed take the metaphorical shirt off my back when he didn’t truly need it. He should have taken her advice – because I am actually starting to realize that I go overboard on most things, most of the time; especially when it comes to sticking my neck out for someone I care about.

The great thing about this realization is that it is giving me the opportunity to set some boundaries. Rather than sit around and feel sorry for myself, I am pulling back the reigns and bringing this pony to a standstill. That’s not to say that I won’t still be that friend that you can call in a time of crisis. I will always be that to many people. It simply means that I am no longer willing to sacrifice regularly to save your ass when you could just as easily do it yourself.  It also means that I am going to stop giving up the things I need like sleep and pedicures so someone else can have what they want while I go without. I will always remain true to my generous heart while making the transition from super giver to savvy helper.  

I strongly disagree with Dr. Joyce Brothers in that being taken for granted is a “compliment” or a sign of comfort – it’s a sign of laziness. It is symptomatic of the old saying about hurting the one’s we love the most. It’s all malarkey if you ask me. If you truly care for the people who do for you then you will at minimum take an interest in what they are doing and let them know you see their value. I don’t mean saying “Please” and “Thank you”. I mean getting your house in order, learning how to ask that person about what is important to them and most importantly taking what’s given to you and doing something with it.

This week I am going to focus on appreciating the people in my life who really deserve it and make them a priority while remembering that I too deserve to be a priority. My hope is that you will do the same. It’s a delicate balancing act but we can do it! I’m thinking it is time for you and I to quit being doormats. Let’s take this challenge together and give those takers-for-granted types a chance to stand on their own two feet.

*Disclaimer: I have been known to be whiney and lately more so. I am not guilt free when it comes to taking others for granted – this wake up call is for me too. 

Get Your Encouragement & Validation On

In jest, I mashed up a couple lines from The Birdcage for a Facebook post yesterday: “Is it too much to ask for one hint of encouragement, one scrap of validation?” In all sincerity I was kidding.  I was met with two types of responses: Jokes and serious advice and concern for my need for support. Okay, after I had a good laugh – I took a moment to pause and think about our innate human need for encouragement and validation. I have no answer as to why we need it and I am not willing to seek out research to support that statement. You’ll just have to take my word for it.

Most of us with some modicum of a soul have a need for said encouragement and validation. It doesn’t matter if it is for an academic achievement, professional stone stepping or what what’s from our partner. We need it. It is important to communicate with the people around you when you recognize what they are doing or what they mean to you. With my kids, for instance, no matter how much they try to drive me to the brink of mental destruction, when they do something good or need a reminder that they are loved – I dish it out family style.

In a professional capacity, I make it a point to give credit where credit is due. I think it is safe to say that most of us feel like we work way too hard for what we earn, so professional kudos are exceptionally important. Even our friends, family and random strangers need a boost now and again. The key is to learn when it is needed. If you say to someone every day, “You’re doing a great job,” as you pass by their workspace without noticing what it is they are actually doing, it becomes disingenuous and let’s face it, meaningless. There’s a little bit of work involved in recognizing the need for accolades and acknowledgement in others. It’s called being engaged in the process.

Blowing smoke up someone’s proverbial arse isn’t going to help anyone; it will eventually make you look like a clueless idiot. So, how do we become engaged in the process of encouraging and validating the people in our sphere? Most important is opening up some dialogue and listening. Talk to the people around you, figure out what they are doing – follow their progress (not like a stalker, just pay attention). If your BFF is posting her progress as she works toward a fitness goal on Facebook, read her posts. You don’t have to respond to each one but when you do; give up well thought out words of encouragement.

Now, we all know I don’t give out relationship advice publicly; it’s just not my forte. I will say this about that though, especially in an increasingly visible society, where our laundry both dirty and clean may end up being seen by hundreds if not thousands and millions of curious eyes– for crying out loud, let the person in your life know they mean more to you than some semi-anonymous individual hailing from the Cloud. I have several friends complaining about this very thing. It just isn’t that hard to say somebody means something to you without making a public display of it. Mind you, I am someone who even after being in a relationship for a year and a half never changed my status on my Facebook. I’m sure there was a little subconscious sting in that for my partner. I learned my lesson and may do different if a next time rolls around.

To bring this thing to a close, this week I am going to do a better job of recognizing when someone near me needs a pat on the back or just a nod to their importance in my life. For you, maybe you will pick one or two people that you can offer some validation and/or encouragement to. Open up your listening ears and focus those reading eyes. Get engaged in what the people around you need. Believe it or not, that goodness will come back to you tenfold. Best for a week of being the support in someone else’s life and feeling good about the contribution you make to their successes.

If I Shoot One Squirrel, I Might Have the Energy to Cage the Other

Getting a Grip on Proscrastination

It is easy to procrastinate and hope and pray that things will just work themselves out. To take action is a far more challenging choice. Taking action in any situation forces us to look at ourselves from a place of blunt honesty and let’s just admit it right now - that’s scary. Once upon a time in the not so distant past I had a boss who said, “Jamie when you get off track, you fix yourself. I don’t have to worry about that.”

At the root of his comment was that I am one of those people who will stand back and observe my own behavior, pick it apart and fix it. What he didn’t know was that when I feel there is a part of me that requires fixing and I don’t have the tools, time or energy to repair it – I will procrastinate and wait for the situation to fix itself.

As I have learned, that is not reality. I am not saying you have to manhandle every predicament you’re in. I’m saying you have to allow yourself the presence of mind and the strength of being to face it. If you don’t, and the chips fall where they may, you cannot be upset when they don’t fall in your favor. We all know that you cannot force life to do what you want at all times, but you can engage and be an active participant in your own destiny.

At present I am faced with a couple of different and unrelated matters that are contentious in my life. It is as if there are two squirrels, both rabid, running around in my head, and they will not be stopped until I quit procrastinating and deal.*Instead, I am mimicking the behavior of said fictitious, metaphoric squirrels. I am bouncing all over the place, unable to slow down and face my destiny. My emotions, my thought processes, my plans of attack, change from minute to minute and I can’t seem to get control of myself long enough to make solid choices.

What to do? Step one is to isolate each situation. One is personal. One is professional. Both are built on a foundation called Fear of Failure. ** In both situations, from my perspective, there is a lot to be lost. I could indeed end up crushed in both instances, never to recover - not to my standards at least. Dithering in my own muck and mire of emotional chaos is not going to solve these problems. Professionally, I have the control. It is up to me to make the commitment to the change and redirect my energies. Personally, I am at a bit of a disadvantage, because I am waiting on someone else to say it is okay to proceed.

Here’s where we become fixers. The issue you can execute control over should be taken on first. Why? Because the personal power we derive from the act of engagement will support you in coping with the less manageable issue. It is just the same as learning to balance on one leg. You eventually learn which muscles to engage if you want to keep from repeatedly falling on your ass. In this case our perseverance, our ability to stop procrastinating and move forward becomes the muscle you need to face fear and bitch slap it right in the mouth.

Did you feel that? It’s a little spark that will no doubt turn into a flame, then a fire that drives you to make strong choices. It is the inferno that will free you from apathetic tendencies. This week I am taking on my professional self and making the change I see as a necessity. Personally, I am choosing not to lollygag and say what I need to say and hope for the best. I hope that whatever the cause of your procrastination, you take it to task and find an outcome that suits you and those it affects. Peace be with you as you engage in a battle of wills with your own subconscious.  

150 Pound Wish

Wishes and dreams are what ignite the flame that gives us the fire and desire to achieve our ideal selves. If you want to be thinner, smarter, more organized, or at the top of the corporate heap – your wishes are where it all begins.  Those wishes turn into dreams which become the visualization we all need to propel ourselves into our preferred existence.

Visualization is key to the process of creating the plan that will eventually put us where we want to be. Eight years ago I had an idea of the business I wanted to own. I wished for many reasons to be out on my own. Freedom was the first motivating factor for me. I have always struggled with being told what to do and even though I shined as an exemplary employee who consistently executed assigned tasks, deep down, I wanted to be choosing my tasks – walking my own path.

I began to examine the skills I had that could help me to construct a viable business that would not only support me but some of the creative professionals in my circle. Being a writer, photographer and an ad wiz I could offer beginning services in those areas but it was my ability to create long term business relationships that proved to be my best asset. I spent three years thinking about it while I worked with my father on our family business and after tragedy struck there, it took me three more years in printing and publishing to take myself seriously.

I know, I know – six years of wishing, dreaming and visualizing? Who has time for that? You do. If you could forecast the next six years of your life and foresee all the time you might waste on things that do not yield the ‘you’ you’re striving to be, that tune of yours might change.  The six years was a necessary period of time for me. It may be two weeks, a month or a period of years before you get to your starting point.  I’m Slow Sally in that regard, I really need to process before I plunge into the depths of the unknown and learn how to swim.

Back on track, I started small; I took a side job here and there. I quietly marketed my skills to people I knew personally and professionally, I did a lot of work just to round out my portfolio. I laid that foundation down so that when the right opportunity presented itself I’d be ready to meet it and make it a worthwhile venture. From there I slowly began to pick up more work and eventually got the opportunity to branch out and bring on my trusted graphic designer friend, Harald Hohendorf.

Two years down the road we’ve expanded our team to include an additional designer and our technology solutions engineer who specializes in developing web sites, social media programs and all of the techie bells and whistles that come with the territory. The wish has changed shape from its beginning form, but it is better than I ever hoped it could be. Whatever you wish for, you can make happen even if it is a little different than you perceived it to be. That which we put our minds to, that we make a priority on some level, can be real. The world is ours for the taking.

This week I am applying the same wishing, dreaming, visualizing scheme to me, the human being. I do believe I am finally ready to make some personal changes on several fronts. I’m quartering my to-do’s into bite sized pieces so that I can realize the me I want to be. I hope you will take a chance this week on a wish, dream big and take a step toward visualizing all the things you want out of life.

It's Your Space, Own It

So, I know, I am two weeks behind on posting something practical that you can put to good use. I owe you, my faithful five readers, an apology. Life has been a jumbled up mess of madness as of late. Note the new photo and theme. It’s crazy, I feel crazy – it is what it is.  If I could scream virtually, I would.

Life is always going to hurl something at you that thumps you in the side of the head forcing you to ask yourself, “What the hell did I do to deserve that?” I know, the side of your head is starting to swell, the kids are screaming, the boss is yelling, your significant other is dumping you. It sucks!

Here is my ice pack for you:

It’s easy to feel like the victim in nearly every area of our lives. We reach out and someone slaps our hand away. You throw a good idea into the brainstorming pool and get rejected while your coworker who presents the same damned idea gets the kudos. We’re left feeling low because it seems like we always get the fecal end of the stick.

In my line or lines of work it is very easy to get my ego banged up. After all, as a creative person I am throwing my craft on the mercy of my clients and hoping they will not only like it, but buy it. Every word I write for someone else, each photo I take is subject to criticism. It is the same thing in my personal life; I share way more than I should. I don’t keep secrets for the most part and I try my level best to put the needs of others above my own.

All of these things can quickly snowball making us feel like we just can’t win or as if we are the victim of others, our work or whatever labels you feeling like slapping on the participating parties in your life. Being a victim is not always your choice. Choosing to feel like, behave as if, etc. are your choice. You can elect to rise above the battery of someone else and forge ahead like the brave soldier I know you are.

It is okay to feel bad about a situation. It is okay to breakdown sometimes and not have all the answers. It is not okay to chronically portray yourself as a victim. “But why? That’s how I feel.” Yes, you may very well feel that way and it may or may not be valid. The reason why you should not portray yourself as a victim is simple, victims get trapped in a continuous cycle of scenarios that encourage their further victimization. I have been an actual victim in several situations in my life including just last week when someone boosted my laptop in broad daylight and right in front of me no less. It is difficult to overcome all of the baggage victimization brings.

What I have learned is this: The energy that I wasted over years of trying to cope with being a victim could have been put to much better use.  As I have evolved as a person I have developed a keen skill for channeling that energy. I look to my work as an opportunity to assert myself, that’s why I write poetry. I seek out things that bring me fulfillment like my friends and family. I read and listen to music that helps me to release that negative energy.

As human beings we have so much potential and power in our own lives. When we feel attacked, assaulted or victimized, it is up to us to summon our own power and overcome that which makes us feel weak. Whether it is your boss, coworker, family member, friend or even a criminal – do not give them the satisfaction of robbing you of your right to be the master of your own destiny.

This week my goal is to assert myself in a couple of very chaotic, unclear situations in my own life. This doesn’t mean that I am intending to be a jerk or anything of the sort. This means while I am taking into account the feelings of others and the circumstances of the situation I am going to do what is best for all concerned and put myself at the top of that list. I hope that even if you start with something small, you will do the same. Best for a week of owning "that spot that you stand in".

Great Ideas: Don’t Hate, Collaborate

Some of the best work I have seen comes from the collaboration of many rather than the good idea of one. What does that mean, really? It means that even when we feel we have that aha moment, that career-changing, life altering idea bringing key players into the mix to develop it, is indeed a smart plan.

“But, but it’s my idea!” you exclaim whilst folding your arms and stomping around like a two year old (I do this on a regular basis). Yes, the idea is yours but some of us are made to generate the ideas and some execute the plans that make those ideas real. I hear another “but” coming, just because we choose to collaborate does not nullify our good, great or grand idea. It is still the collateral of our minds, it still belongs to us.

If we were to define collaboration, especially in the creative arena, we would find it is rather simple. Collaboration consists of seeking out individuals who possess the skills to help you in generating a plan to put your idea into practice. If I, as the owner of a creative services company, think up a way to make Facebook easier for our clients to use - I look to my team to take my idea and throw constructive feedback my way and aid me in developing processes to make it work in the real world.

I look to my design guru to take my sketches and create engaging visuals, I look to my technology solutions engineer to manufacture actual working applications. We then work together as team to bring this idea into fruition and deliver a salable product to our clients. It all seems very simple.  But that little ego inside of you wants to isolate the idea and hoard it away from the collaborators who can help you realize it. It is the poor choice not to tape that frisky little ego’s mouth shut that leaves so many amazing ideas doomed to live life on the drawing board.

The failure to collaborate with the minds in your sphere is a critical error in judgment. We want to throw all kinds of variables on the table: They might steal my idea. It won’t be the same as the way I thought it up. They will take my idea and ruin it. There are two things that cry out for attention here: Fear and mistrust. If you cannot trust your collaborators, get new ones. If you fear for any reason at all, including the preservation of the integrity of your idea - LET IT GO! Fear and mistrust derail the creative process.

These elements of fear and mistrust are why we hear so many people say things like, “Dang why didn’t I think of that?” Truth is, you probably did think of it, you just chose not to collaborate therefore your idea never made it past the fleeting thought stage.

This week collaborate on something. It doesn’t need to be a huge, grandiose undertaking. It can be something simple. Try collaborating on an easy way to rearrange furniture in your home or office to make the flow of the space more comfortable. Ask the people in your life to toss their hat in the ring and see what solutions they offer for making your idea a reality.

Helpful Links:

Define It

Learn More About

Steps to Collaboration

1.       Look for individuals who possess skills that compliment your own.

2.       Examine your idea and decide what types of skills you might need to put theory into practice.

3.       Use the tools around you to locate collaborators: Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and Referrals from friend and colleagues.

4.       Make notes on your idea so that you are prepared for collaboration.

5.       Get an actual or virtual whiteboard.

What do I do when the fruit of collaboration is contrary to my idea?

Keep in Touch for Next Week's Post:

Reworking the Collaborative Process

Choosing which elements of a conceptualized idea work and do not work.

Coming in February:

Constructively Criticizing: The Art of Giving Useful Feedback

When to Put Your Hard Hat On and When to Take It Off