We take almost everything for granted in this day and age: food, shelter, smart phones, toilet paper. It’s a sad state of affairs when we fail to notice all of the things we have that bring us convenience and ease. As of late I have been feeling a bit taken for granted. I’m a giver and I give in a big way – sometimes I give beyond my means (be they financial, emotional or slack which trumps the other two). In my mind being surrounded by happy, satisfied people is far better than a group of crank-a-sauruses who want to bitch from morning ‘til night.
If I see you struggle my first instinct is to alleviate your burden by whatever means necessary – barring the actual breaking of the law, which I am sure has happened but that would be another story for another day. To paraphrase a statement made by one of my friends to another last week, “Jamie will give you the shirt off her back. Don’t take it.” The latter friend did indeed take the metaphorical shirt off my back when he didn’t truly need it. He should have taken her advice – because I am actually starting to realize that I go overboard on most things, most of the time; especially when it comes to sticking my neck out for someone I care about.
The great thing about this realization is that it is giving me the opportunity to set some boundaries. Rather than sit around and feel sorry for myself, I am pulling back the reigns and bringing this pony to a standstill. That’s not to say that I won’t still be that friend that you can call in a time of crisis. I will always be that to many people. It simply means that I am no longer willing to sacrifice regularly to save your ass when you could just as easily do it yourself. It also means that I am going to stop giving up the things I need like sleep and pedicures so someone else can have what they want while I go without. I will always remain true to my generous heart while making the transition from super giver to savvy helper.
I strongly disagree with Dr. Joyce Brothers in that being taken for granted is a “compliment” or a sign of comfort – it’s a sign of laziness. It is symptomatic of the old saying about hurting the one’s we love the most. It’s all malarkey if you ask me. If you truly care for the people who do for you then you will at minimum take an interest in what they are doing and let them know you see their value. I don’t mean saying “Please” and “Thank you”. I mean getting your house in order, learning how to ask that person about what is important to them and most importantly taking what’s given to you and doing something with it.
This week I am going to focus on appreciating the people in my life who really deserve it and make them a priority while remembering that I too deserve to be a priority. My hope is that you will do the same. It’s a delicate balancing act but we can do it! I’m thinking it is time for you and I to quit being doormats. Let’s take this challenge together and give those takers-for-granted types a chance to stand on their own two feet.
*Disclaimer: I have been known to be whiney and lately more so. I am not guilt free when it comes to taking others for granted – this wake up call is for me too.
