Keeping It Personal: Thoughts on Managing Your Social Media Persona (s)

Disclaimer: Consider your social media audience; is it just your close friends? Do you have the business/personal life combo? Is your pastor your “friend”? If you are good at keeping your personal and professional lives from colliding online then you can meter how you see fit bearing in mind what's online is forever.

 

Collectively as people we desire to connect to with others to celebrate our accomplishments, mourn our defeats and garner support when we feel mistreated or victimized. As a society, we want to be in the know. We actually take an interest in what Snooki eats for breakfast or doesn’t for that matter, we want to investigate and require visual evidence that Ron Paul once posed for a photo with a known white supremacist. Secretly or not so secretly we want people to want to know about us too.

It’s only human to want to be noticed and appreciated. Unfortunately that attention can turn negative on a dime. Without a public relations team at the ready to save us from ourselves, we can go from adored to abhorred in no time. We have to get savvy about monitoring our own image in a social media venue. It is tough to resist the urge to divulge every detail of our lives in a semi-public forum. It is equally hard not to succumb to the attention that sharing the dirty dish brings.

Case in point:

Like so many people my personal and professional lives overlap online.  For the first year or so that I used Facebook I was dangerously open about all aspects of my life. I became very sick two years ago. I had seen many people post about injuries, illnesses, surgeries, divorces, etc. and it brought me pause about my own situation. I had two choices – I could publicly disclose the status of my health and gain the sympathy of a percentage of my then four or five hundred friends. Or I could keep my virtual mouth shut and seek support from my family and close friends. I chose to keep it to myself only sharing with people I encountered in person. In my opinion that was the smartest choice I could have made. It taught me a lesson in restraint and gave me a good meter for deciphering what should and should not be public information.

How do we stop ourselves from clicking that tempting “share” button and keep what should be private, private?   The easiest way is to start connecting with those close to us by engaging on the level we used to before we became social media junkies.  Phone a friend, visit your mom and dad, or better yet invite someone for coffee and a good old-fashioned conversation. You wouldn’t invite a colleague or an acquaintance over for a look at your panty drawer so why would you put it online for everyone to see?

Self-editing is our ally. I am not encouraging you to lie about your life but remember that you and your existence are important – they are not fodder for office chatter or social gossip. Keep these things in mind when you’re weighing whether or not to share: 

-Humor doesn’t always translate

-Personal struggles, relationship breakdowns and the most intimate details of your life shouldn’t be offered up into a public forum for debate or criticism or someone's entertainment.

-Real support comes from the people who love you – not the people who friend you. 

-It is very easy to type a condolence or congratulations but it is the truly conscientious individual who chooses a more personal form of communication.

My challenge for myself this week is to pay attention to what I say online and attempt to look at it from the perspective of others. I challenge you to do the same.  Reach out to someone who is important to you and have a conversation. Let that person be excited for you, console you or laugh with you and be the same for them. Cheers for a week of being truly connected with your community.

Get Your Encouragement & Validation On

In jest, I mashed up a couple lines from The Birdcage for a Facebook post yesterday: “Is it too much to ask for one hint of encouragement, one scrap of validation?” In all sincerity I was kidding.  I was met with two types of responses: Jokes and serious advice and concern for my need for support. Okay, after I had a good laugh – I took a moment to pause and think about our innate human need for encouragement and validation. I have no answer as to why we need it and I am not willing to seek out research to support that statement. You’ll just have to take my word for it.

Most of us with some modicum of a soul have a need for said encouragement and validation. It doesn’t matter if it is for an academic achievement, professional stone stepping or what what’s from our partner. We need it. It is important to communicate with the people around you when you recognize what they are doing or what they mean to you. With my kids, for instance, no matter how much they try to drive me to the brink of mental destruction, when they do something good or need a reminder that they are loved – I dish it out family style.

In a professional capacity, I make it a point to give credit where credit is due. I think it is safe to say that most of us feel like we work way too hard for what we earn, so professional kudos are exceptionally important. Even our friends, family and random strangers need a boost now and again. The key is to learn when it is needed. If you say to someone every day, “You’re doing a great job,” as you pass by their workspace without noticing what it is they are actually doing, it becomes disingenuous and let’s face it, meaningless. There’s a little bit of work involved in recognizing the need for accolades and acknowledgement in others. It’s called being engaged in the process.

Blowing smoke up someone’s proverbial arse isn’t going to help anyone; it will eventually make you look like a clueless idiot. So, how do we become engaged in the process of encouraging and validating the people in our sphere? Most important is opening up some dialogue and listening. Talk to the people around you, figure out what they are doing – follow their progress (not like a stalker, just pay attention). If your BFF is posting her progress as she works toward a fitness goal on Facebook, read her posts. You don’t have to respond to each one but when you do; give up well thought out words of encouragement.

Now, we all know I don’t give out relationship advice publicly; it’s just not my forte. I will say this about that though, especially in an increasingly visible society, where our laundry both dirty and clean may end up being seen by hundreds if not thousands and millions of curious eyes– for crying out loud, let the person in your life know they mean more to you than some semi-anonymous individual hailing from the Cloud. I have several friends complaining about this very thing. It just isn’t that hard to say somebody means something to you without making a public display of it. Mind you, I am someone who even after being in a relationship for a year and a half never changed my status on my Facebook. I’m sure there was a little subconscious sting in that for my partner. I learned my lesson and may do different if a next time rolls around.

To bring this thing to a close, this week I am going to do a better job of recognizing when someone near me needs a pat on the back or just a nod to their importance in my life. For you, maybe you will pick one or two people that you can offer some validation and/or encouragement to. Open up your listening ears and focus those reading eyes. Get engaged in what the people around you need. Believe it or not, that goodness will come back to you tenfold. Best for a week of being the support in someone else’s life and feeling good about the contribution you make to their successes.